Wicked Wednesday – Kaye Manro, a Guest Blog and Contest!

I am so excited to have my friend and fellow author Kaye Manro here to tell us a little about her latest release. Plus, we’ve got a contest for you since I’m also doing a guest blog over with my friend JoJo to help her celebrate her birthday! So, if you leave a comment at JoJo’s blog, you have a chance to win an ARC of STRONGER THAN SIN, my November release, a copy of SINS OF THE FLESH, the first book in the SINS series as well as a T-shirt! Double your chances to win by leaving a comment here and also, if you’re selected at JoJo’s site and leave a comment here, you will also win a copy of your choice of either FURY CALLS or SEX AND THE SOUTH BEACH CHICAS!

So without further ado, here’s my buddy Kaye!

*****

FORBIDDEN LOVE by Kaye ManroThanks to the lovely Caridad Pineiro for inviting me, a new author, as a guest on her blog today! I’m so excited to be here, and to share my short ebook, FORBIDDEN LOVE, which is not a paranormal, but a science fiction romance!

Readers may not know exactly how sci-fi relates to the romance genre. So let me show you. In the subgenre of science fiction romance, authors use technology and not magic. Rather than fantasy characters such as shape shifters, the characters are alien or human. The settings are anywhere, but it is common to see stories taking place on alien worlds or on advanced spaceships. For an author, this genre, called SFR can be very exciting and fun to explore. I have to say it was for me.

Forbidden Love released at Red Rose Publishing on May 13, and has consistently stayed on the bestseller lists. Here’s a little of what you’ll find in the story:

Forbidden Love is a futuristic sci-fi romance. There is space travel at FTL (faster than light). But there is also lots of sensual exploring between the hero T’Kon and the heroine Maya, who hail from different galaxies and evolutionary paths. Rules on T’Kon’s planet forbid interspecies mating. Yet when he crashes his spacecraft on Maya’s world close to her desert home, what else is he to do but let this audacious alien tend his injuries?

For those who are new to this exciting genre, I have included a Science Fiction Lexicon on my Website. You can find phrases that may be unfamiliar to you there. The terms relate directly to those used in Forbidden Love.

For example, FTL is the ability a spacecraft has to travel in deep space far exceeding the speed of light. While in FTL, your ship could essentially reach billions of miles per second or more.

Now back to Forbidden Love, which is first and foremost a romance even though the subplot is science fiction. Here’s an excerpt so you can get a feel for the Forbidden Love romantic elements:

…She was upon him so near he could feel her breath, sense her warmth. She reached out and ran a hand through the air, searching the length of him.

“Maya,” he blew her name on a sigh.

“Take me with you,” she implored, as tears filled her astounding tawny eyes. “I want to be with you, T’Kon.” She melded her body against his invisible one.

“You know nothing of me or my world.”

“Teach me, show me everything.”

He felt her heat burning inside him, yet the absurdity of her request burned brighter. “What you ask is not possible.”

“Will you please become visible so I can look at you?” She asked. “We need to talk about this before you go flying off into the universe.”

He unshielded his body so she could see him. “I cannot take you.”

“Why not? You can’t say it was coincidence that you happened to crash land in my back yard.”

No, an unfortunate accident. The truthful certainty traced across his mind. Yet his arms enclosed her and he lifted her up. Her legs straddled his waist, and he held her close against his body. A fit so right he could not deny it.

“I wish it were not so, but it is,” he whispered, breathing in her pungent scent. “You would not survive on my world.” He dropped his head to taste her lips before she had a chance to counter his words. “Just one last kiss.” Her mouth opened to allow his tongue entry and he explored the soft moistness, losing himself in her tang.

The stars help him. He did not want to leave her.

Without warning, a sudden and dangerous noise yanked T’Kon from his enamored stupor. He sensed peril approaching. In a rapid-fire move, he raised his palm. A copper arch flashed and shimmered before them revealing the entryway to his concealed spacecraft. He dragged her inside. Tapping a pad the opening closed leaving them hidden behind an undetectable shield.

* * ***

I hope you enjoy reading Forbidden love as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Kaye’s Bio: As a romance author, I lean toward the adventuresome in my writing. I love science fiction and all the enticing quantum theories surrounding it. Where characters rush through outer space at FTL, or teleport into another time, and even slipstream into an alternate reality. I like creating sizzling love scenes too with sexy heroes, and captivating heroines. It just seemed natural to combine all these elements together in my stories.

Kaye Manro

You can purchase FORBIDDEN LOVE by clicking here or visiting this page:
http://redrosepublishing.com/bookstore/product_info.php?products_id=772

For more information on Kaye, please visit her Website at http://www.sfr.kayemanro.com or Kaye’s blog at http://kayemanro.blogspot.com/.

Thanks so much!

A Very Special Guest Blogger – Rene Colato

Today we have with us a very special guest – Rene Colato – a writer of books for children! It’s a change of pace, I know, but nothing is more important than getting your children to read.

I was an avid reader as a child and some of my fondest memories are of walking to the library with my grandmother or eagerly waiting for the bookmobile to stop at the corner so I could pick up my latest horde of books to read. My parents also provided lots of books for us and to this day I have a box filled with my favorites that I read to my daughter as a child.

So please give a big welcome to Rene and learn a little about him and his latest release, MY SHOES AND I.

From the Author

How I Became the Teacher Full of Stories
and a Children’s Book Author

I always wanted to write a book. In high school and college, I wrote seven novels for my family and friends. All of them are on their first drafts and have potential to become novels in the future. Also in college my short stories “Blood Tears” and “White Sheep Among White Lambs” became plays. I was confident that I could write a book and be an author.

Then I became a teacher and when I opened the door of room 11 at Fernangeles Elementary School, I discovered wonderful, colorful, excellent picture books. It was an instant love and soon I was writing my books for my students.

In my classroom, I loved to tell funny, scary, sad, happy and adventurous stories.

One day, one of my students asked me, “Can you write that story and draw the pictures?”

“What a wonderful idea!” I told him.

That night, I wrote and illustrated my first picture book- “El número 1/ The Number 1.” I finished the book at 1:00 A.M. and I was thrilled. I used watercolors to illustrate the book. The story is about Big Number One visiting a Number One Island. In the island lived little number ones and they were scared of Big Number One. Years later, I published this story in the Spanish magazine for children Revista Iguana.

After “El número 1” , I wrote and illustrated more books. Soon, I had a box labeled “Mr. Colato’s Books”. I discovered that during independent and silent reading, this box was empty. All around the classroom, my students were reading my books. I was so excited and decided to write more and more books.

After presenting a new book, Elvis told me, “You are the teacher full of stories.”

“Sí, yes! He is the teacher full of stories,” all the children said at the same time.

And I became the teacher full of stories at Fernangeles Elementary. Teachers began to borrow my books. I created poems and songs for the school. One time, I even illustrated a flyer title “Wash Your Hands”.

Soon, “Mr. Colato’s box” included books such as: Fabiola, Fabiola , The Three Delicious Pies, In Search of a Baby, I Am, Dear Journal, A Year Full of Adventures, Teacher What I need to do?, A Story Full of Color, My House is a Castle and many more.

One morning, children’s book authors Alma Flor Ada and F. Isabel Campoy visited my school and told me, “You have to send this wonderful books to publishers.” Then, I joined their workshops “Teachers in the Classroom” that Project M.O.R.E. was offering for LAUSD teachers. Both Alma Flor Ada and F. Isabel Campoy inspired me to create more books and to begin to send manuscripts to publishers.

The journey to publication was hard but in my way, I found many learning opportunities to craft my writing with UCLA, SCBWI, Highlights Foundation, the Institute of Children’s Literature and finally I obtained a MFA in writing for Children and Young Adult at Vermont College.

In November 2004, I published my first picture book Waiting for Papá/ Esperando a Papá. The following year, I published I Am René, the Boy and Playing Lotería. In September, my book number 7th is coming out, From North to South (Children’s Book Press).

Yeah! I am still The Teacher Full of Stories and there are many books coming soon.

My goal as a writer is to produce good multicultural children’s literature; stories where minority children are portrayed in a positive way, where they can see themselves as heroes, and where they can dream and have hopes for the future. I want to write authentic stories of Latin American children living in the United States.

Purchasing the Book:

You can purchase this book at the Dulce Bread and Book Shop by clicking on this link:

Dulce Bread & Book Shop

About the Author:

René Colato Laínez is the Salvadoran award winning author of I Am René, the Boy, Waiting for Papá, Playing Lotería, René Has Two Last Names and The Tooth Fairy Meets El Ratón Pérez. His picture books have been honored by the Latino Book Award, the Paterson Prize for Books for Young People, the California Collection for Elementary Readers, the Tejas Star Book Award Selection and the New Mexico Book Award. Rene was named “Top Ten New Latino Authors to Watch (and Read)” by latinostories.com. Rene is a graduate of the Vermont College MFA program in Writing for Children & Young Adults.

Visit Rene at these other guest blogs on his tour!

March 08 Mayra Calvani
http://www.examiner.com/x-6309-Latino-Books-Examiner

March 09 Lori Calabrese
http://www.examiner.com/x-7597-Childrens-Books-Examiner
http://loricalabrese.com/blog/

March 10 Christina Rodriguez
http://www.christinarodriguez.com/

March 11 Silvia
http://www.mamalatinatips.com/

March 12 Monica Olivera Hazelton
http://www.latinbabybookclub.com/

March 15 Tina Nichols Coury
http://www.tinanicholscouryblog.com/

March 16 Michael Sedano
http://www.labloga.blogspot.com/

March 18 Sandra Lopez
http://sandrasbookclub.blogspot.com/

March 19 Sheila DeChantal
http://bookjourney.wordpress.com/

The Power of Wishes by Autumn Jordon

I am so happy to have with me today a very dear friend and fellow author, Autumn Jordon! We’ve known each other for years and in addition to being my friend, Autumn is a RWA Golden Heart Finalist and debut author. Which just goes to show how hard work and determination are the keys to success in life.

Without further ado, here’s Autumn!

*****

“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true.” Richard Bach

A friend gave me a plague with the above quote inscribed on it some twenty-five years ago. The plague still hangs on my office wall. That quote has inspired me to take steps in my life that I might not have taken otherwise.

One path I started on was to strive to write for publication and years later, I’m finally seeing my dreams come true. My first release, OBSSESED BY WILDFIRE, hits the cyber-shelf today! I’m so excited. My stomach clenches as I wonder if anyone will dish out cash for the story. If they decided to, I don’t think they’ll be disappointed.

OBSESSED BY WILDFIRE is not my first completed novel, it’s not even my second or third. It’s my fifth. Does its ranking, among my completed works, diminish the excitement which tingles my entire soul today? HE** NO.

OBSESSED BY WILDFIRE is rated HOT! I didn’t know I could write HOT. My editor thinks I could erotica. My answer to her is a topic for another blog.

The story, set in the Texas town of Wayback, is about a woman who meets a man who could stop her from her accomplishing her dreams. I love the banter Isabelle’s emotional conflict causes between her and the sexy fire marshal, Warner. The couple made me chuckle. By the end of the book, Isobel learns love can make dreams a whole lot sweeter.

Excerpt:

“Warner Keyson. You?” He folded his arms across his chest. His muscles bulged from beneath the rolled back sleeves of his white dress shirt. She’d seen bigger forearms—on a few NFL players.

“Isobel Trinidad.”

“Well, Ms. Trinidad, you could’ve caused some damage or killed someone the way you barreled in here.”

“The last time I heard, Raleigh was Wayback’s chief and you’re not one of his officers. Besides everyone’s inside.”

“There could be a couple or two in the backseat of those cars. You know, enjoying the night.”

Warner Keyson’s warm caramel gaze drifted over her and Isobel’s legs buckled a degree before she roped off her reaction. Refusing to look away, she wrestled the urge to step closer and touch the cute dark lock that curled behind Mr. Keyson’s right ear. “Were you peeking in windows?”

“Nah, not peeking.” His full lips pulled up the tiniest bit.

Looking pass him, she scanned the cars. Had he been in the backseat of one of them? Had one of the local girls already run him down and claimed him?

“So what do you have in mind with that whip?”

*****

If you’d like to read the entire story, and I hope you will, here is the link to The Wild Rose Press home page.
http://www.thewildrosepress.com/

You can visit Autumn at http://www.autumnjordon.com, but first, take a moment to check out her cool video for Obsessed by Wildfire! If you’re not seeing the video player, you can also visit this link for the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dkq_Um-WyzI&feature=player_embedded

Special Guest Blog with Catherine Bybee

bindingvows_w2739_300I’ve got a slightly different Guilty Pleasures Monday for you today – an interview with my friend and fellow author Catherine Bybee! Catherine writes a number of different paranormal romances that she is going to share with us in a very special way today – via a video guest blog! So sit back and enjoy this interview with Catherine.

If you can’t see the video, you can click here for the Catherine Bybee interview.

For more information on Catherine, you can visit www.catherinebybee.com. Catherine will be popping in during the course of the day, so feel free to leave any questions or comments for her to answer.

Wicked Wednesday – Jamieson Wolf

HardToday we have with us a very special guest blogger, my friend and fellow author Jamieson Wolf. Jamieson has an excerpt for us from his new male/male novel HARD. I hope you’ll take the time to check it out down below.

As you can also see from the calendar, I’m a busy little bee today while my buddy Jamieson is here with you. Take a moment to visit me at one of the following blogs for some fun talk and possible giveaways:

  • Bitten by Books Virtual Release Party (giveaway ends at mid-day so stop by soon!):
    http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=13412
  • RomCon FF&P Blog (I’ve heard a lot of good things about the RomCon Convention and hope to go there soon!):
    http://www.romconinc.com/index.php/conversations/post/127

Now without further ado, my good friend and fellow author, Jamieson Wolf!

***Excerpt – Warning PG 13***

More than anything, Owen remembered the taste of him.

You never forget the first one. Nineteen and horny, they did what guy friends did together. Daniel and him used look at porn in Owen’s bedroom. He could smell it even now: the scent of fresh paint, sweat and heat. He remembered the way Daniel smelled sitting beside him: spicy, as if his skin was burning.

Sometimes, after they were really turned on, they would lie next to each other, rub their crotches together. Sometimes, Daniel would even lie on top of him, pressing his crotch into Owen’s.

He remembered how good it felt to rub his body against Daniel’s. How flushed he got in his cheeks, his crotch so hot it felt as if it would go ablaze. He knew that it wasn’t right to get hard when fooling around with another boy.

But Owen wanted to, needed to, anyways.

It had been an eye opener. He had not been able to get an erection while thinking of girls, but one thought of his friend’s body pressed against his and he felt hard all over.

Daniel always said he was straight. “I don’t think I could ever sleep with a guy,” he’d say. “I wouldn’t know what to do.” But there would be a look in Daniel’s eyes that had made Owen wonder.

At night, after Daniel had gone home, Owen would lie on his bed and think of Daniel. He pictured Daniel’s straight brown hair that framed his face in crude spikes, the greenness of his best friend’s eyes.

These thoughts would take him into sleep. In his dreams, he was able to do what he knew could never happen; he was able to touch Daniel. He was able to run his hands all over Daniel’s hard body.

After the euphoria, a slight sadness would settle in. Owen knew that dreams could never be reality. Daniel would reject him if he knew how Owen felt. Owen knew Daniel would never talk to him again if he had any inkling of Owen’s feelings.

If Daniel found out, he would leave Owen and Owen would lose the man he loved. He had been friends with Daniel so long that the boy he had been was a thing of the past. Instead, all Owen could see was a gorgeous man.

But Daniel would never love him back.

All that Daniel worried about came into sharp focus on a hot summer afternoon. The windows were open and a light summer breeze filled the air. Owen’s parents were at the cottage and he had the house to himself.

Except for Daniel that is. Knowing that Owen had the house to himself, Daniel had rented some porn and was brining it over with a few stolen beers. Owen wondered if it was wise to drink something that would lower his inhibitions around Daniel.

He had enough of a hard time controlling himself around his friend as it was.

But Owen could never say no to Daniel. Not for anything.

***About the Author***

Jamieson WolfJamieson has been writing since a young age when he realized he could be writing instead of paying attention in school. Since then, he has created many worlds in which to live his fantasies and live out his dreams.

He is the author of The Valentine Series, The Written Word Series, The Hunted Series, The Owen Diaries, The Gods of Love Series, The Wishing Star Series and The Queen of Egypt Series and more!
Jamieson is also an author of non-fiction including the best selling Letting the Mind Wander, Write Now and The Muse.

He currently writes book reviews for The Book Pedler and writes non fiction pieces for The American Chronicle.

Jamieson is also an accomplished artist. He works in mixed media, charcoal and pastels. He also runs a book trailer design company titled Night Wolf Design.

He currently lives in Ottawa Ontario Canada with his husband Robert and his cat, Mave, who thinks she’s people.

Learn more about Jamieson at www.jamiesonwolf.com or www.jamiesonwolf.blogspot.com.

10 Tuesday Tips to Survive a Disaster by Gale Laure

We have with us today a wonderful guest blogger, but first I’d like to announce the winners of last week’s contests!

The winner of the Michele Hauf Giveaway is Teonda Tollison. The winner of the Mix It Up! Friday Contest is Linda Henderson! Please e-mail your postal addresses to me at cpsromance @ att dot net so that we can get your prizes to you!

EvolutionAs I mentioned, we are lucky to have with us Gale Laure, the international selling author of Evolution of a Sad Woman, a mystery, suspense, thriller and romance novel. Gale is a native Texan who resides in a small suburban town in the Houston area with her husband and family. Gail’s hobbies include genealogical research, movies, creating stories for the children around her, involvement in her church and people watching. She is busy at work editing her second novel, The Bunkhouse, and writing the sequel to Evolution of a Sad Woman. It is entitled Alana – Evolution of a Woman. As mysterious as her book, Gail writes under a pseudonym. Adamant about maintaining her privacy and the privacy of her family, she keeps her identity a mystery! For more information about Gale Laure or her novel, Evolution of a Sad Woman, please visit www.galelaure.com or her blog www.evolutionofasadwoman or do an Internet search.

Without further ado, here are Gail’s 10 Tuesday Tips to Survive a Disaster!

My novel, EVOLUTION OF A SAD WOMAN, had been published. I was elated about the progress of my novel. I had been through multiple medical disasters with my family including my husband’s battle with cancer. My husband had also been in three car accidents. From October of 2007 until September of 2008, life had been a roller-coaster ride. There were downs, but there were also ups. My book was my special light every day. Little did I know the biggest down of all was just on the horizon.

On September 13th, 2008, Hurricane Ike happened in our area. That night turned out to be the longest night of my life. My home was destroyed when a huge pine tree was dumped on top of my home. Water poured inside. The wind blew cabinets open. The huge trunk lay across my bed crushing it. If we had been in the bed, I would not be writing this to you today. The huge branches poked through the roof and through the ceilings in my home. We had to evacuate during the storm because the whole roof was literally coming down upon our heads. We waited for the eye and left crossing downed power lines. We were lucky. My husband knew electricity and knew when it was safe to cross. We went to a neighbor’s home nearby. We left with the clothes on our backs.

Several months later, my best friend’s home burned down when a faulty Christmas tree light ignited a fire. She was going through the same thing I was. I helped her all that I could. I was the only one who could understand. Two disasters had the same results.

These are the things that I learned about surviving a disaster.

Know that this to will pass.

It will be hard. Your home and your belongings are gone. If you are lucky, you will be staying in a furnished apartment that your insurance company has provided. You really learn what is necessary in life and what is not. Keep in mind it will get better. Some days you will feel that this will go on forever. It will not. It will pass, and life will go on. Say this to yourself daily.

Make lists, take notes and concentrate.

You must keep your mind busy. You must concentrate on the here and now. Keep lists of all the things you need to do each day. If you do not, you will forget. Your mind is under tremendous stress. Notes for every telephone call you make should be kept. Write down whom you spoke to, the phone number, the date, the time and the message. I used a large yellow notepad for this.

What you are feeling is natural.

I felt fear, stress, emotion and even physical pain after my home was destroyed. I had nights of sleeplessness and days of fatigue. You must know this is natural. Excessive crying can happen. Or you may be unable to cry hoping and praying that you could get the release. You may feel very angry and guilty for being angry. After all you escaped with your life. Anger occurs when you think over and over why this happened to you. All of this is normal. You must know that it is normal.

Do not neglect your health.

The night of the storm when we escaped, I only got out with a pair of flip-flop shoes. I was forced to wade through water. This water was full of bacteria. My toenails turned black. Next my toes started to discolor. I was so busy I did not have time to go to my doctor. When I finally did, she said I had a bad infection. I was given several medications. It took over a year for my nails to grow out and return to normal. I could have lost my toes. Take some time. Get checked out by your physician. If you do not, this could lead to more problems.

Be prepared.

I learned a lot about preparedness for any disaster. My second novel, THE BUNKHOUSE, was stored in my computer. My computer was destroyed by water and debris. I had backed up my book on a flash drive which was in the back of my desk drawer. So now I am able to edit my novel and not spend time rewriting it. I now make two flash drive backups of all my work. We are scanning all our important papers to a flash drive and storing it at a trusted person’s home. However, during a hurricane when the power is out, you will also need hardcopy of your papers. I made copies of all our important papers such as our insurance policies, deed, drivers license, with all the phone numbers to these places and sealed it in a plastic bag.

Some friends of ours put everything in their attic in large metal trashcans. I was not sure if this would protect from fire so I called the fire chief. He said they might offer some protection but that important papers need to be in a fire-safe container.

Know you are never fully prepared.

Do not drive yourself crazy. Know that you are never one hundred percent protected. Do not let the fear fill your entire life. Do what you can and let it go!

Keep some money in the bank.

Always keep some money in the bank and a little cash on hand. I know this is hard in this economy. We had a little cushion of money and it was definitely used. You have to have money to buy soap, shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpaste, clothes to wear . . . and the list goes on and on. The insurance company will reimburse you. But it will take time. You will need the money now. Remember. Your bills keep accruing. The house note and utility bills you will still owe. Now you have the utilities and deposit on the apartment to add to your monthly responsibilities. Life does go on.

Keep your closed purse with you at night.

I now sleep with my purse beside my bed every night. If I ever have to evacuate in the night again, I will have it ready to go. Inside are my cell phone and my keys. You do not have time to search for these things when you are running for your life. Oh, and keep your purse closed. You do not want rain getting inside your purse.

Keep a pair of good shoes by your bed.

I love flip-flops. However, I learned a valuable lesson. I now keep a pair of sneakers next to my bed. If I have to run in the middle of the night, I am ready.

Keep that cell phone charged and know where the charger is located.

The only form of communication we had after hurricane Ike was our cell phone. Thank goodness I had a charger in my car. We had to go and buy a charger for my husband’s phone. We used only our cell phones for eight solid months. You have to be able to talk with your insurance company, your contractor, apartment locators, family, and the bank. We went right away and raised our minutes on our cell phone service. We needed every minute.

Oh, there is something I forgot in the Tuesday Tips.

Time. You need a lot of it. Your regular life goes on. I was still promoting my book, editing and writing. My husband was still working full-time. We were both working with the insurance company, the contractor, photographing ruined items for the insurance company and documenting. You have to document everything! They need to know where you bought it, how much you paid for it, when you bought it, the color, the size, what brand it is . . . and it goes on and on.

Well I can report I am finally in my house. It is fresh, new and wonderful. I still do not have all my furniture, clothes or belongings replaced. But life is proceeding. I am back to promoting my novel.

I am home.

5 Tips to Turn Life’s Crap Into Compost by Mary Patrick Kavanaugh

Family Plots by Mary Patrick KavanaughFor today’s Tuesday Tip we have with us Mary Patrick Kavanaugh, rejected writer turned self-published author (Family Plots: Love, Death and Tax Evasion) who is an expert at loss. Below Mary offers five simple steps to overcome dead dreams, dashed hopes and disappointments. For more information about how Mary transformed rejection into rejoicing, visit her website at www.MyDreamIsDeadButImNot.com.

Denial.

Pretend it never happened. You did not get the diagnosis. She did not break up with you. The sheriff isn’t going to escort you from your foreclosed home. If you read enough self-help, you learn that it’s not what is happening in your life that matters; it is what you believe about what is happening that makes it true. Simply choose to believe that, no matter what it looks like, all is well. This approach is not for the weak of mind or spirit. And it may lead to incarceration, institutionalization, and in extreme cases, premature death. But in the end, what difference does it make? It’s not like anyone gets out of this gig alive anyway, and your unwavering denial will spare you a whole lot of cumbersome worry and stress.

Grieve with gusto.

Publically and passionately revel in your pain. Stop trying to act normal, mature, or reasonable when, YOUR DREAM IS DEAD! YOUR HOPES ARE DASHED! Embrace the horror of your loss. Sob openly and uncontrollably whenever any song, billboard, or scent triggers a memory that leaves a nasty sting in your heart. Drive along dark, deserted highways and scream endlessly until your throat is as raw as hamburger. Whine to friends, complain to coworkers, and when the hostess at the restaurant asks, “How are you?” TELL HER THE TRUTH. Make sure everyone knows how devastated you are. Your obsessive love affair with your own despair will alienate you from anyone and everyone you come into contact with, including yourself. Like all of those whom you have repelled with your self-pity, you will grow so bored with it, you’ll decide to simply turn your attention elsewhere.

Blame others.

There is an alarming new trend that requires that we take responsibility for what we have made of our lives, when it is so clear that the true culprits of our failures often range from the toxic influences of large corporate, government and religious institutions, to the ineptitude of the insensitive, incompetent, and/or controlling individuals who prevent us from getting what we want and need. There is always time to take stock of how you might have participated in the demise of your cherished goal—but for now, make a list of all the people, places and circumstances that have undermined your success. Do not forget to include the impact of any negative astrological influences during the period of your profound disappointment. When the list is complete, make a promise to yourself that you will have NOTHING to do with any of the institutions, people, places, or planetary alignments that sabotaged your success EVER again—even if it means you have to live alone in a cave in Afganistan. Or. You can declare a new dream—one that will require that you work tirelessly to change the circumstances that led to your current demise. Which come to think of it, dammit, requires taking responsibility.

Seek revenge

Years ago, I had the pleasure of entertaining the young sons of a visiting friend of mine. Boys love snakes, rodents, and bugs, so I took them to the East Bay Vivarium, a place that sells such creatures. Set among the vast display of terrifying creepy-crawlers, there was an aquarium full of scorpions. I asked the pierced, tattooed, spiky-haired sales clerk if the staff ever worried that someone might purchase these poisonous pets to let loose in the house of a foe. Without missing a beat, she said, “Oh, there are much better ways to seek revenge.” She then suggested that I purchase their inventory of pregnant Madagascar hissing cockroaches and slip them through the mail slot of this person I wanted to torment, advising me that once the eggs were dropped, my unsuspecting rival would be forever deluged with both the bugs and their terrorizing hisses. Before I had a chance to explain that I had no victim in mind, she suggested I might also purchase a bag of frozen mice and shove them deep in the crevices of this person’s car windshield. “They’ll thaw and rot and put off stench that they’ll never get rid of,” she snickered. Later, when the boys and I met up with their mom, in a whisper, the little one asked her why I was such a mean person. Alas, why to I tell you this long story? (1) It contains some clever revenge suggestions that aren’t widely known, and (2) It’s an opportunity to WARN YOU to give serious consideration before launching any vicious attack campaign. Revenge may be sweet, but evil tactics such as those noted above may invoke this thing called “KARMA,” that could set something in motion that may come hissing its way back to you in some scary, smelly way.

MoveOn.now

We’ve all heard of Elizabeth Kubler Ross and her famous stages of grief, right? (If not, check Wikipedia or just trust that key aspects of these stages are mixed into this handy list.) The point being, when you have to get over something, you spend an exhaustive amount of time running on the hamster wheel of pain, repeating thoughts, ideas, complaints, and arguments against what already happened- WHAT ALREADY IS. That’s just nuts, right? At some point you must come to terms with the fact that this circular path gets you nowhere. Your only hope for escape is to leap off—take an entirely new direction. And this great leap is what will lead you to the easy-breezy tropical Island of Acceptance. We know it is nice there. It’s the place where we can shrug our shoulders, say the magic mantra (“Oh Well”) and be free. So why, oh why, do we keep crawling back onto the hamster wheel? If you do find yourself struggling to let go of dead dreams, dashed hopes, failed relationships, pain, or obsessive thoughts of the past, may I suggest a powerful ritual that will allow you to move on. Gather your friends for a formal funeral party to put it to rest. In fact, you are invited to attend one this New Year’s Eve. For more details, visit me at www.crapintocompost.com.