He Said, She Said and Other Elements of Effective Dialogue – Part 1

You’ve started your book. You have the basic idea of what you plan to write (genre and length) and understand the conflict with which your characters will deal.  But to be intriguing, your characters not only need that internal conflict to resolve, but dialogue that fits them and is effective.  In addition, the dialogue that occurs between the characters has to convey necessary information.  The key is — not too much information.  You want the reader to intuit any secondary meaning in the words and also, the emotions and intent behind the words.

So what is effective dialogue?  Effiective dialogue:

1.  Advances the plot and adds to the story
2.  Doesn’t use unnecessary prompts or cues (like er, hmm, oh)
3.  Doesn’t use excessive tag lines (she kidded, teased, warned)
4.  Keeps the flow going
5.  Fits the characters

What kind of Dialogue Advances the Plot and Adds to the Story? Consider the three following examples:

“I’m leaving,” he said to the lieutenant.
“I hate this place,” he said and handed the lieutenant the paper.
“I can’t wait to walk out that door.” He handed the lieutenant his transfer request.

Of the three, the last one advances the plot and adds to the story by providing more information.

Effective Dialogue doesn’t use nnecessary prompts or excessive tag lines:

Try listening to everyday conversations.  Be an eavesdropper (something which writers are allowed to some extent).  Every day conversations may be realistic, but they are generally BORING!  Every day conversations are generally filled with needless prompts.

Prompts (or cues) are the things such as:

“How are you?”
“What’s new?”

A “Tag line” is the last line of a speech which is used to clarify or dramatize a point. For example, “he said” or “she said”. Tag lines should be simple and not “he muttered”, “she croaked”, “he groaned”.

Also try to avoid tag lines that contain unnecessary exposition. For example, in a scene where only two people are present, let’s assume a vampire and a woman, it is not necessary to say, “I want a bite,” the vampire said to the woman. We know it’s just two people in the room and therefore “to the woman” is unnecessary.

Plus remember Rule One about advancing the plot/adding info. If he’s a vampire, do you need to have him say, “I want to bite.”?

More effective dialogue would be “You expect me to bite. What if you’re not biteable?”

This makes us wonder whether the vampire regularly bites and also, why the woman isn’t biteable. In a romance, it would also make us wonder if the vampire “doth protest too much” about her biteability.

Effective Dialogue Should Keep the Flow Going:

All writers do it at one time or another, namely: “I really hadn’t planned on that,” he said and walked across the room. He continued. “But then again, maybe I will.”

Breaking the flow may damage a scene by pulling the reader out of the moment. In general, leave descriptions to the end of the dialogue. For that matter, if the description doesn’t set the tone/nature of the dialogue that is occurring, omit it entirely. Excess narration at this point can negatively impact on the exchange between the
characters. For example:

“I didn’t mean – “ she began, clenching her hands on the handle of her suitcase.
“For this to happen?” he said, cutting her off as he walked across the room, his stride hesitant.
Almost fearful.

Compare the above to this:

Her hands clenched on the handle of her suitcase. “I didn’t mean – “
“For this to happen?” He walked across the room, his stride hesitant.

**End Part One.

Copyright 2006 Caridad Pineiro Scordato

 

 

How do you write a book?

That’s probably the most commonly asked question whenever I do a signing or workshop and the answer isn’t a simple one.

For starters, every writer is different.  I’m generally a seat of the pants writer whereas others meticulously plot, diagram and/or post pictures of what their characters look like.

What I know now that I didn’t know when I started is that you need to do some research first before you put pen to paper if the ultimate goal of writing your book is to get it published.  What kind of research?

1. What genre will your book fit in?  It’s important to know whether you’re book is a romantic suspense, paranormal, women’s fiction, cozy mystery or any of dozens of other genres.  For a list of sub-genres in the romance industry, check out this list at the Romance Writer of America.  For non-romance fiction genres, here’s another good spot for you to check.

2. Which publishers would be interested in your book?  Go to the shelves of your local library or bookstore.  See what books would be similar to what you would like to write.  It will give you an idea of what publishers are interested in that kind of work.  Open the book and check the dedication or acknowledgements.  That might give you a clue as to the editor or agent who bought and/or represented the novel.

3. Check the guidelines for those agents and/or editors.  Many publishers have their guidelines on their websites. Eharlequin.com is a great example of publisher’s guidelines.  The guidelines will tell you how long the book should be, which editors are interested in acquiring, etc.  Unfortunately, the guidelines may also say that the publisher will only accept manuscripts from agents.  You can also look at books from Writers Digest and there’s a great book by Jeff Herman that I recommend.

4. What do I do if the publisher says I need an agent?  Finding an agent can be almost as difficult as getting published, but basically, agents also have their guidelines on their websites.  Check and see if an agent is reputable.  In general, agents should not ask for fees in advance.  A good source for agents is AAR which has a Code of Ethics agents must follow.  More importantly, check out Preditors and Editors to watch out for scam artists.

Once you know what genre you are going to tackle and what the length of the book will be, you can start to “write”.  What are some of the basic steps I follow when I start to “write” ?(and I put that in quotes because it’s truly before putting pen to paper.  It’s about visualizing and getting the story straight in your head first.)

1. I’m a character-driven writer so in general, I have a character screaming in my head that they want a story.  Usually a female character.  I like strong empowered and tortured women and by tortured I mean someone with emotional conflict.

2. Emotional conflict is more often than not what will drive my story.  Once I know what it is that the heroine fears most – intimacy, loss of self-identity, inability to commit, desire to commit – I ask myself what kind of hero and/or story would most effectively bring that emotional conflict to the forefront.

3. With a hero and heroine now firmly rooted in my brain, where does the story begin?  I’ll be posting more on the concept of the Hero’s Journey in another blog, but usually it’s best to start the story in the hero’s and heroine’s Ordinary World.

4. What’s an Ordinary World?  It’s the place where they normally live – both physically and emotionally.  It’s the “safety zone” and the place you will rip them from when you begin their journey of discovery. For example, Diana Reyes from DARKNESS CALLS (and other books in THE CALLING) is most comfortable at her FBI office and in her role as a Special Agent.  Why?  She’s in control there.  She knows the rules of that world and what’s expected of her.  As a Special Agent in Charge, she’s in control of other agents and of her partner, David Harris.  This makes her world safe.  To shake up that world – introduce her to a creature of the night who makes her want to break the rules and enter a dark place she had thought she had overcome years earlier.

5. Decide two more important spots in “the journey” your character will take.  The first is the point where the hero/heroine will face their greatest distress. This is the place where they will need to confront their emotional conflict and overcome it (or seem to overcome it).  This will be one of the high points of your novel.  The second spot – the end.  What is the goal of the novel?  What lesson will the hero and/or heroine have learned after they complete their journey? 

Now that you have your characters, a beginning, middle and end – start to write (pen to paper, fingers on keys this time), keeping in mind the length of the book that the publisher has indicated in their guidelines.

Why is the length so important?  If you’re writing category series books, which are generally shorter in length, you will not have time for delving into the issues of secondary characters or creating secondary plots that are related to the main story line.  There is not enough length in a 65,000 word book to do that.  However, if you’re doing a single title book (80,000 to 100,000), you will likely need a strong secondary character or subplot to enhance the main story line and create the length that you need.

Okay, so now that I’ve written the first few chapters, what do I do?  The first thing to do is to go back and look at your first sentence.  Does it pop?  Does it make a reader want to keep on reading?  Does it set the tone for your book?

For example – and I have to credit my two friends and fellow writers Roni Denholtz and Karen Bryan for this analysis – here’s the first sentence of TEMPTATION CALLS:

As lives went, both of hers had sucked.

What does this tell us?  For starters, it’s not a happy book.  It’s going to be dark.  “Both lives”?  How many lives does a normal person have?  “Both lives” clues us to the fact that this is someone other than a normal person.  “Sucked” – a reference to the state of the hero’s life but also an allusion to the genre?  It’s a paranormal book — a vampire novel — and the word “sucked” works in two ways – again to emphasize this isn’t a happy book and secondly as a nod to the nature of the work.

Writing that first memorable sentence can take time, so don’t fret it.  Write it and then revisit it as you write the rest.  It’s important, though, that once you get a few chapters done, you find a critique group.  You may locate one at your local bookstore.  If you’re a member of a writing organization, they may put together critique groups (the New Jersey Romance Writers do this for their members).  RWA has electronic critique groups where members exchange work via e-mail.

Why is this so important?  Hearing what others have to say about your work will give you an idea about what’s working and what’s not.  Of course, listen to your gut as well.  Trust your gut to weed out what doesn’t sound right and what does.  You’ll have to learn to do this as well for when you’re published since it’s likely you’ll face revision letters from your editors and will have to trust your gut to know how to make those revisions work.

If you’re not a member of a writing organization, I would highly recommend that you join one.  Networking with other writers is a good way of not only learning about the craft of writing, but also about the business of writing. There are some wonderful writers who never learn the business end of things and flounder.  Being published is not only about being a writer with some talent, it’s about learning how to promote, move up, and build a brand (more on that later).

Also, if you don’t already get Publishers Marketplace, sign up for it.  Whether you opt for the free or paid version, it’s chock full of industry news and deals.  Watching the deals that are happening may help you determine who is the best publishing house or agent for your novel as well as what’s hot at the time.

Finally, how do I finish my book?  Write, write, write.  Every day if you can.  Even if all you do is one page a day.  In a year, a page a day equals a book.  If you can’t write every day, find some kind of schedule where you can sit and work on your novel.  Being a writer involves discipline.  People will often ask, “How do you write so many books in a year?”  It’s a simple answer.  I write almost every day for at least an hour.  On the weekends, I write for several hours each day.

So in a nutshell, that’s how it’s done.  Just remember to write, write and write and more importantly, never give up.  We all have stacks of rejection letters, but if you don’t try, you can’t succeed.

Copyright 2006 Caridad Pineiro Scordato 

Cuban Flan

So why is the first entry in this Cook’s Treat blog a Cuban flan?

Well, first, because I’m Cuban-American. Second, I have the world’s worst sweet tooth. I think meals should begin with dessert and only then proceed to anything else. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to convince others of that.

I learned to make flan from my grandmother and my sister learned from my mom. We both use different methods for making the caramel that is essential to a sweet flan. My mom and sis start with just sugar and melt the sugar sans water which has a tendency to produce a darker and slightly bitter tasting caramel. My grandma would dissolve the sugar in water first and then boil it down, kind of like making candy. The caramel this way is sweeter and lighter in color — actually clearless if you don’t want to push the cooking.

So here goes and for a little bit of family history — pictures of my abuelita (that’s Spanish for grandma) and mami (my mom!):

Basic Ingredients:

For the baking process: Large baking pan. 1 1/2 to 2 quart ovenproof baking dish (I use the same pan to make the caramel and then put the custard. Why wash two dishes? Corningware is da bomb for this. Hot water to fill large baking pan halfway up the sides.

For the caramel: 1 cup plain white sugar

For the custard:

  • 6 whole eggs
  • 6 egg yolks
  • 1 cup whole milk
  • 1 can Condensed Milk (Not evaporated, but Sweetened Condensed Milk. Magnolia or Eagle Brand are favorites!)
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Step 1: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place a large baking pan in the oven with hot, but not boiling water about half way up the side of the pan. This will make what is called a Bain Marie. The Bain Marie will help keep the flan from drying out and will allow it to cook evenly.

Step 2: Make the Caramel:

Mami’s Caramel!

Caridad's Mom as a teen

Start with 1 cup of sugar. Set it over medium heat in a heavy medium/small saucepan or preferably, an ovenproof 1 1/2 to 2 quart dish. Use a wooden spoon to stir until the sugar is is melted and begins to turn golden. Keep on going until it is a dark dark brown. (Be very careful!! Cooked sugar is very hot and can burn the skin if it spatters.)

Abuelita’s Caramel (and guess who that is with grandma in the picture!)

Caridad and her abuelita in Cuba!

Start with 1/2 cup of sugar and dissolve it in 1/2 cup to 1 cup water. Make sure the sugar is fully dissolved before you begin to heat it (if you have any sugar left, it will form crystals and be gritty). Once the sugar is dissolved, set the pan with the sugar over medium heat in a heavy medium/small saucepan or preferably, an ovenproof dish. Use a wooden spoon to stir until the sugar water is reduced (it should get thicker as it cooks). Grandma liked it light, but you can let it get golden and keep on going until it is a dark brown. (Again, be very careful!! Cooked sugar is very hot and can burn the skin if it spatters.)

NEXT STEP regardless of how you made the caramel:

If you did not use an ovenproof pan/dish, quickly pour the hot caramel syrup into a baking dish (DO NOT GREASE THE PAN).

If you did use the ovenproof pan/dish — MAKE SURE TO PUT ON OVEN MITTS before proceeding!

Swirl the pan until the sugar coats the bottom and sides of the pan/dish. The caramel will start to harden at this point. When you cook the flan in the oven, the caramel will melt and make a delicious syrup that the flan will swim in. AGAIN be very careful. A sugar burn is quite painful!

Gently mix together the eggs and egg yolks. Do not create too much froth or bubbles as these will linger and ruin the texture of the flan. Add the condensed milk and gently mix a little more. Then finally add the rest of the regular whole milk (for ease and to get all the condensed milk, put the whole milk into the can and use it to wash out all of what lingers in the can from the thick condensed milk). Again, gently mix until the mixture is smooth.

Add the vanilla.

Pour this egg/milk custard mixture into the baking dish (make sure the caramel has set against the sides and bottom of the pan).

Set this baking dish into the larger baking pan with the hot water. Bake until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean, 35 to 45 minutes or so. If it’s a little soft (but not runny), that’s okay as it will continue to cook for a bit. Be careful with the hot water in the bain marie (baking pan with water), but then let the flan cool in the water. After half an hour or so, remove the flan from the bain marie and refrigerate for at least an hour or more.

It’s actually preferable to make the flan and let it sit overnight so the caramel soaks into the outermost layer. Yum!

Before serving, run a sharp knife around the edge of the flan to release it from the baking dish. Place a larger serving plate (preferably with a small lip to keep the caramel liquid from spilling) over the baking dish and, invert the flan onto the serving platter.

Keep refrigerated until it’s time to serve.

For simple variations, you can add a little amaretto or grand marnier to both the caramel and the custard mix. For more complex variations, try a chocolate flan (which I’ve never made in my life!)

One thing that is delicious is to increase the number of egg yolks and eliminate the egg whites entirely. This will make a very thick rich egg custard called Toscinillo del Cielo.

Cuban Flan, made by my sister Carmen, is a staple at our Christmas Eve celebration. Why don’t you try it out as well!

Feliz Navidades,

Caridad

The Amazon Addiction

This article first appeared in the October 2005 edition of the New Jersey Romance Writers’ Heartline Herald.  

            Come on, ‘fess up.  You do it.  A fan/friend/third cousin on your mother’s side of the family just e-mailed to let you know that your latest book is up on Amazon even though it isn’t going to be released for another six months. And so it begins — the Amazon Addiction.
            You immediately rush to the site and search out your release only to find your novel hasn’t generated enough interest to earn a sales rank.  So what’s an author to do about her unloved child?
            For some, it becomes a quest much like the Holy Grail, checking Amazon daily in the hopes of finally seeing some movement.  Querying authors of similar books to see how sales compare.
            Berta Platas, author of Cinderella Lopez which is slated for release in March 2006 and hit the Amazon list a few months ago confesses, “. . . I’m not addicted to the numbers.  Really, I’m not.  So . . . I’m tracking our anthology. It’s doing decently. But is it decent enough?  So I put in the ISBN for somebody who’s really racing. . . Then I add ISBNs for friend’s books, since I have 25 slots I can fill. Every day I log on to see how my book is doing. . .  But I’m not addicted. I can quit anytime. Honest.”
            Do the numbers change so radically that such frequent checking accomplishes anything?
            Amazon updates its numbers on an hourly basis so you may see the sales rank change quite often.  But the numbers at Amazon can be deceptive for a number of reasons.  First, it is my understanding that the sales rank number does not reflect just actual sales, but also popularity of the item based on searches conducted by users as well as the number of books ordered in one sale.
            I decided to test my understanding.  Checking the sales rank on my two latest releases, DANGER CALLS and TEMPTATION CALLS, I found that the books sat at 359469 and 418471 respectively.  Would my single order drastically change the rank?  After placing an order for 5 copies of TEMPTATION CALLS, I watched the number rise to 78605 by the next day (and this was nearly two months before its release date).
            Hmm?  What would multiple orders do to the sales rank on a book? I wondered.  DARKNESS CALLS is sold out and so only used copies are available.  When I began this exercise, DARKNESS CALLS had a sales rank of 244261.  After ordering five books from 5 different vendors at Amazon Marketplace, the sales rank jumped to 12181 within the hour.
           Amazon numbers are, therefore, apparently ephemeral and affected by an assortment of factors.  Agent Caren Johnson of the Peter Rubie Literary Agency notes, “I never check the numbers. . . Instead I check sales reports and royalty statements.”  This opinion was echoed by Editor Stacy Boyd of Silhouette.  “I tend to get my sales info from the point of sales data collected by our company, as well as figures from Waldenbooks and other chains.”
            What is clear is that with hourly updates, an author lucky enough to appear on television or have a news article featuring them can rush to Amazon and determine whether or not that appearance/article has achieved an increase in their Amazon number.  Caren Johnson concurs.  “Amazon numbers are a great way to gauge public interest in your book, which is helpful, especially when you have a marketing campaign you’re starting or the like.  Then you can see what is most effective for driving sales to your book.”
            Can the Amazon sales ranks be extrapolated as an indication of the actual position of your book in the marketplace?
            In his July 2000 article in Time magazine, Richard Corliss noted that “(t)he Amazon sample can be misleading since the taste of its buyers doesn’t always match that of bookstore browsers.  Self-improvement texts do better . . . romance novels far worse.”
            Does that principle still apply?
            A recent check of the New York Times Bestsellers versus the Amazon Top Sellers revealed that not one romance had apparently made it into the Amazon Top 50. So how did romances fare on the NYT Bestseller list compared to the Amazon Sales rank?  See for yourself in the following table: 

NYT Bestseller Rank

Amazon Sales Rank

            Title

           Author

#3 Hardcover

241

SLOW BURN

Julie Garwood

#5 Hardcover

205

POINT BLANK

Catherine Coulter

#1 Paperback

613

NIGHT TALES: NIGHT SHADE/NIGHT SMOKE

Nora Roberts

#3 Paperback

3008

PAYBACK

Fern Michaels

           In addition, it is my understanding that for category novels, most sales occur through bookstores and direct sales and not through Amazon.  What about other paperback novels?  Estimates from various sources indicate that anywhere from 5% of 15% of sales are generated through Amazon.  Silhouette Editor Jessica Alvarez notes, “Amazon numbers represent only a part of our distribution and the final national result is much more important to us.  Still, it is interesting to see how books perform at different retailers and how the rankings can shift from place to place. “
           So what’s the moral of this story?  Whether or not your book has sold well is best determined by the sales data and royalty sheets provided by your publisher.  However, Amazon can gauge increased activity related to your book.
           Not to mention that it is such a rush when your Amazon Addiction lets you see that the sales rank on your novel has broken through to the top 1000.  How do I know?  I’m a recovering Amazon Addict!

Copyright 2005 Caridad Pineiro Scordato

Sexual Tension and a Poll on LOST

I’m going to spill a deep dark secret – I’m obsessive, especially about good writing which explains in part my interest in All Things Buffy.  Buffy probably had some of the best writing ever on television and with it gone, I’ve experienced a profound television viewing void.  Of course, I’m filling that void with programs like House, Veronica Mars, Supernatural and another cult favorite – LOST.

On the topic of LOST, somehow television executives have decided that we should go for weeks on end with no new shows, a phenomenon I can’t understand and a sure fire way to lose viewers in my humble opinion.  So, since we will apparently face weeks without a new show shortly–  and since I’m obsessive remember – what better way to pass the time than to conduct a scientific study on sexual tension on LOST!! How you ask?  We’ll I’ve set up a poll at my Newsletter/Contest loop and I’m asking you to vote on the question of:

Who would you like to see together on Lost?

Kate and Jack

Kate and Sawyer

Because I understand obsession, I’ve also added a few long shots like:

Kate and Locke

Kate and Hurley

and of course, Kate and Juliet for all of you into Slash Fiction out there.

If you’d like to offer your comments on the poll and/or the choices, please post them here!

Here’s a link to the Poll Blog:

Kate/Sawyer/Jack/Hurley/Locke/Juliet/LOST Poll 

Thanks for all your votes and comments in advance! Caridad

P.S. – For those of you who have visited the blog, you can also click on the link for Naughty Nibbles and see just how far my Buffy obsession goes!   

 

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

My Buffy Obsession

So if you’ve read the blog, you know I’ve got a Buffy Obsession.  How bad?  My husband joked that if I was the victim in a Law and Order Ripped from the Headlines story, Lennie Brisco would walk into my office, walk out and say to his partner “You gotta see this!”

So, here’s a photo from an Edison-Metuchen Sentinel article a few years back.  This is just a small section of my office.  In addition to what you see, I’ve got a collection of action figures, skateboard and even props from the show!

Realms of Fantasy

I can’t tell you how excited I am about all the promotions that are going on for Harlequin’s new Nocturne line!

Look for the December issue of Realms of Fantasy magazine which has a free Nocturne sampler containing my short novella DESIRE CALLS which will be a free electronic read on eharlequin.com in April. In January, this magazine will have an interview with me about THE CALLING Vampire series.

Also check out the Realms of Fantasy Community Forum where I’ve posted some information about DESIRE CALLS! Come join me and ask some questions about this novella, my December release, Death Calls (Nocturne), or any of the other books in THE CALLING vampire series.

I was recently featured in the Detroit Free Press and here’s a link to the article:
PAGING ALL MONSTERS

Check out the cover of my January release, Devotion Calls (Nocturne). I’ve given you a change of pace since the blood-sucking demon in this book is a chupacabra! The hero, Ricardo Fernandez, is a psychic healer who is posing as a Santero in Spanish Harlem.

Thanks for all your support!
Caridad